I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
