I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
