Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
