In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it was like eating out sand paper
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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