i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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