She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
