Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
