my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
