Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Randomize
