I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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