i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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