He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He better not be in your backpack
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
