at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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