so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
