my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
