There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
