i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
