Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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