FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize