her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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