Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is that strawberry winking at me??
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize