With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
