Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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