Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
