Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
