I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
