Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
