I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
