he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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