what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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