you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
