Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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