Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
vagina is talking i cant
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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