No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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