After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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