There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My brain says no but my pants say off.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
