my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
