she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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