community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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