It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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