oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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