i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
