Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Drake has all the answers
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
