he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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