I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
