your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
