I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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