would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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