It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
NoShamevember. You game?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
