woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
