it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
