I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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