I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
