If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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