I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize