I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
