The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
