i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
