You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Someone came in the potted fern
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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