I hate your face
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
