Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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