i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
