covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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