I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
