whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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