I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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