nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
3pm strippers are depressing
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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