I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
