Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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