Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
