Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize