I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
