she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
