Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Randomize
