Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
