Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
