Betty ford says i'm here all night
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
