Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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