I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
