dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
