I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
