my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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