don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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