How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
