That's intense
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
