Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
