We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
