this boner is exhausting
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
