Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
