She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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