Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
