I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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