I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
