forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you had me at cake vodka
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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