I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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