ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
