remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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