my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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