What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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