Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
as a side note pls kill me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
