This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
