I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
