i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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