Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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