I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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