I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
