didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
