You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
